What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a simple and effective way to make changes in our life.
Mindfulness is a quality that every human being already possesses, it’s not something you have to conjure up, you just have to learn how to access it.
Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.
Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non judgmentally.
Which is the first steps towards mindfulness?
It is said that a man set his mind to find the Magic Stone that fulfills any wish. He knew that it was on the beach and that he would have to walk on the shore and take every stone in his hand. If the stone was cold, he had to throw it back into the sea because it was just an ordinary stone; and if it was hot, he had to keep it, that being the Magic Stone.
Determined, the man went to the seashore and began to gather stones. The first stone he picked up was cold. He threw her in the water. And the second stone was cold – he threw this one too. In this way he spent the whole day, then the next day, and another day. Thus, weeks passed in which he found only cold stones that he threw back into the sea.
I like the story above because it reflects the way we live our lives under the rule of habits of behavior and thinking, from the fact that we mechanically perform various actions (we go with the subway deep in thoughts and forget to get off at the desired station) to uncontrolled reactions, conditioned, which we have in certain situations or interactions (we get annoyed every time we talk to a certain person).
We can say that we know how to drive a car or use a device when we no longer need to think about how to do it – we simply do it. Likewise, a pianist or dancer repeats countless times a score or a choreography until it enters his body’s memory, and only from this point on is he able to add to the artistic act and emotion, the interpretive style.
The connection between charisma and presence
On the other hand, automatic and unconscious behavior, stimulus / response, makes us throw a lot of “magic stones”, which translates into eroding personal and professional relationships, ignoring opportunities and “blindness” to the things we do. wrong repeatedly. Moreover, there is a proven connection between being “with your head in the clouds” and the inability to influence others and be perceived as charismatic.
Charisma can be defined as the ability to easily capture the attention of others, the ability to be completely in the present moment and to give our full attention to those around us as one of the basic pillars of the charismatic effect.
What does it actually mean to be present?
When you are fully anchored in the present moment and place, your face, body, words and behavior convey a congruent and powerful message, which makes the interlocutor feel flattered and trust you: “I am here and I give you all my attention, because I respect you and you are important to me.” You listen actively, meaning you don’t mentally prepare a clever or defensive line while the other person speaks, but you really strive to “hear” and understand what the discussion partner is saying. You ask questions and focus the conversation on the interlocutor, not on yourself.
Your outfit is straight and neutral, your breathing is deep and even, your handshake is firm, you look the interlocutor in the eye, you smile and you nod encouragingly when he speaks to you.
If you have received a refusal or something unpleasant has happened, recompose easily and focus on repairing the situation on the outside, not on your inner dialogue full of accusations or whining.
Trigger awareness
Moreover, getting out of autopilot involves being aware of our own patterns of behavior or stimuli that trigger certain reactions.
For example, it is useful to ask ourselves:
What makes the situation X or place Y always make me panic or get angry? What neuralgic points are affected?
What beliefs or assumptions make me argue every time with a certain colleague, even when I propose to be calm?
What words or activities instantly throw me into a state of boredom or “self-hypnosis” that prevents me from paying attention or actively participating in what is going on around me?
Once you have become aware of your moods and your inner dialogue, you can choose the next time you see that colleague to skillfully lead the conversation in a constructive direction or to keep your good mood in a tense situation. Such a change in dynamics will certainly be noticed and will contribute to the improvement of your professional image and the quality of your relationships.
In conclusion, no matter what we call this autopilot exit, presence or mindfulness, it is worth making the effort to give others the gift of our undivided attention and to break this vicious circle.